By Tom Anderson, Rites of Passage staff member.
There is only one life you can call your own
and a thousand others you can call by any name you want.
David Whyte, All the True Vows
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
Mary Oliver, The Summer Day
There’s an inherent human need, woven into the fabric of our souls before birth, to seek out and live the “one life we can call our own,” to embrace our unique “wild and precious life.” This yearning is like the call of the mountains, the whisper of the wind through ancient trees, and the dance of sunlight on a tranquil lake. It’s a quest for a life of harmony, purpose, and vision—a life of meaning, our meaning.
It’s always there, a quiet whisper in the background, but sometimes it breaks through with a roar when we least expect it. For some, this roar is loudest at the birth of a child, the death of a loved one, or the passing of a life milestone. These moments compel us to pause, reflect, and ask profound questions: “Who am I, really? Why am I here? What is my true purpose?” These are, in the words of David Whyte, “…questions that can make or unmake a life, questions that have patiently waited for you, questions that have no right to go away.”
These are fundamental human imperatives, each as unique as the souls on this planet. While generalizations can be tricky, there’s a distinct thread of this humanness that often weaves through the stories and life experiences of men. Men carry their own kinds of wounds—physical, emotional, and spiritual. These wounds can be as severe as an abuse-filled childhood or as subtle as the societal messages about what it means to be a “real man.” These wounds can obscure our connection to vision and purpose, making it essential to undertake our healing work first.
All of this is why, alongside our co-gender and women’s programs, we also lead wilderness quests specifically for men. These quests offer a sanctuary where men of all ages can delve into their inner landscapes, connect with nature, and uncover their true selves, all within the supportive company of other men. We find solace and strength in sharing our stories, realizing that while we are unique, we are not alone.
In the distant past, village elders would perform rites of passage ceremonies for adolescent boys on the cusp of manhood. That sense of community has largely vanished, taking with it the traditions that once served so well. Today, most adult men have never had an uncle or trusted family friend to guide them through life’s thresholds. Without a ceremony of initiation, boys are thrust into adulthood as if it were as simple as moving the tassel on a graduation cap from one side to the other. We now live in a world of uninitiated men, and we are all paying the price.
You are welcome among this community of men. No matter your age, race, sexual orientation, spiritual beliefs, or none. If you are a man, you are welcome.
It takes immense courage to look deeply at our lives, just as it does to step off our well-worn paths and venture into the wilderness, fasting alone for three days and nights. But when the roar within us is loud, what choice do we have? The invitation is to lean in, to find strength in the shoulders of your newfound brothers, and to share the space with a community of men, all seeking their own healing, their own vision, and their own version of the one life they can call their own.